At last I can say, “I surrender all!” I’m my mother’s only child. Most of my adult life has been lived alone, no children, never pregnant and never legal married. My deepest desire has always been to get married and have a family of my own. Well, it never happened! Over the years, my alone-ness hardened by heart and I became angry and resentful about the circumstances of my birth. To say my birth family is dysfunctional is being kind. However, at 65 years old looking and reflecting backwards, I’m beginning to understand the wisdom of God’s plan for my life. I understand enough to witness that God’s plan for my life is better than any plan I could ever come up with on my own.
God’s plan is for me to be an artist and writer. God’s plan is for me to make color on cloth and to share stories and reflections to lift up Algonquin culture in the Coastal Plains along the eastern seaboard of North America. I’m the last in my bloodline. I’m the seventh generation from when the “Big Troubles” came, the sacking, rape and murder at Fort Neyuheru:ke in present day Snow Hill. Bud Harris say, “When the big troubles came the people scattered. Runners carried the word and the people scattered every which way. Whole lodges of people, every body, we all scattered.”
It’s amazing how God moves on our behalf. Jesus saves and protects me from myself. I have no illusions about me. Making art requires letting go of self and being authentic. Hans Hoffman said that creating with color requires “searching for the real.” I’m a sinner! I’ll always be a sinner, condemned and guilty. Thanks be to the resurrected Jesus and His gift of sanctification that redeems lost souls. The indwelling of the Holy Spirit is always with me. The Triune God is a comfort, a protector, the beginning and the end, a redeemer, the “True Vine,” a shepherd, the only light in the dark, the source of creative hands and my one and only BFF.